Telling Your Story- Embryo Recipients
Telling Your Child Their Embryo Donor Conceived Story From Birth
Telling Your Child Their Embryo Donor Conceived Story When They Are Older
The importance
- In an age of DNA analysis and increased access to ancestry, it has never been more important to be open and transparent about a person’s family history.
- It is important children hear the information from their own parents & family in a way that hold significance to the family unit and speaks to the uniqueness and individuality of that child.
- As children become adults, information on their medical history holds increased importance.
- Be proud of the path that made you a family. Your kids were very much longed for and conceived with love and generosity.
- Be honest, open and acknowledge their feelings. Be there for them
Guiding Principles
- Focus on “How we became a family” rather than “how you were made”
- Genes make people, love makes a family
- It is never too early or too late to start the conversation
- There is no “right” or “wrong” way
- Donor conceived children are VERY much loved and wanted
- Find your own words that fit your family
- Speak from love
- Don’t try to be perfect or put it off waiting for the “right time”
- Encourage questions
- Speak of it gently, but often changing the language and level of detail as the child grows
A great place to start…..
You are so precious to me and I'm so happy to be your Mum. I’m so grateful that the donors helped us become a family!
Telling Family and Friends about Embryo Donation
We know that telling family and friends about embryo donation can be difficult, and we can recommend these two resources:
'Friends and Family' by Olivia Montuschi, published in the UK by The Donor Conception Network:
From the Donor Conception Network in the UK, this short book was written because telling relatives and friends about donor conception can be harder than telling donor conceived children! The book is designed to read by parents of young donor conceived children, as they work out who to tell and how to tell about the donor conception. The book talks about 'becoming an educator' which is an 'unexpected role that parents by donor conception can find themselves falling in to'. It also addresses when to tell, who to tell (including telling parents and letting go of the need for approval), and how much to tell. There are sections exploring about 'if I tell others how can I control the information', and 'what to do when the response is negative', and a bunch of resources at the end. We recommend this book as a way to help people communicate well about donor conception particularly when there is family conflict around the issue. 31 pages
'Our Family: A guide for the relatives and friends of those contemplating donor conception, undergoing treatment or parenting young donor conceived children' by Olivia Montuschi, published in the UK by the Donor Conception Network:
From the Donor Conception Network in the UK, this short book was written because telling relatives and friends about donor conception can be harder than telling donor conceived children! The book is designed to be given to relatives and friends of people contemplating or undergoing donor conception, or who have donor conceived children. It is clear and straightforward, and focusses on the thoughts and feelings of those involved, including their own feelings as family and friends, and gently challenges their own assumptions about telling, privacy, families and other complex topics. There are sections exploring about how we think about families, about openness in telling, talking with cousins and extended family, and about faith and cultural issues around donor conception. Although some of the information about donor conception and the law is specific to the UK, the majority of the book is very relevant to families in Australia. We recommend this book as a way to help people communicate well about donor conception particularly when there is family conflict around the issue. 23 pages
This information was modified utilising content from the VARTA website www.varta.org.au